Aquarius: Don’t play Kirk Cousins yesterday!!!
Pisces: Stop thinking that your soooo smart. Sit Drew Brees
Aries: You’re in last place but don’t let that get you down. Your wife still thinks you’re a winner.
Taurus: Don’t act like just cause you are checking the free agent list every five minutes your gonna find some gem no one noticed… loser
Gemini: RG3 is faking it!! Pick him up quick!
Cancer: You have cancer!
Leo: Your gonna win the whole thing! But your going to have to ignore your team for the rest of the year. Don’t check it once. Congrats Champ!
Virgo: Play all backups this week… trust me
Libra: LeGarrete Blount hasn’t smoked the ganja in a while, you might want to sit him.
Scorpio: Drink double the amount off beer you usually drink and watch all your fantasy football worries hit the turf.
Sagittarius: Offer to trade Peyton Manning for someone’s kicker and watch the offers roll in. You’ll be glad you did.
Capricorn: Your wife is yelling a lot about folding clothes and dirty dishes. Trade her.
